Life, the universe and ... oh, whatever ...

Sunday, July 30, 2006

People

So here’s what I wrote in my notebook yesterday when I spent the day at Uhre motocross field:
It is so hard to find the time and place to write when you’re surrounded by other people all the time. It’s even hard to put thoughts together in your mind when there’s always someone close “interrupting” your personal space and trail of thought.

I would be miserable after some kind of catastrophe where I’d be forced to live in a large sports arena or sports hall like they did in New Orleans after hurricane Catharina. I would not only have lost everything I owned but I would also be surrounded by people everywhere, all the time! That much people make me tired, extremely so. I’m so tired now, after only a few days with no own time or space, I would probably break down because of the mental distress of being surrounded by thousands of people all the time.

So now I’m constantly tired and I want to sleep all the time and I think this is the mind in it’s need for personal and private space taking control over the body and making me constantly tired and wanting to sleep all the time, because in the world behind my eyelids it’s only me and my thoughts and everyone else may be shut out.

If I was to choose after a catastrophe to be stranded somewhere completely on my own or end up in a sports arena with thousands of people I think I might choose to be on my own.

I like people, I do, but I don’t feel the need to have them around all the time, in small portions they’re quite ok and fun really. Those I call my best friends are those who understand this; that I can love them and appreciate their friendship but still not wanting them around all the time. They understand my need to be left alone with my thoughts and whatever is going on on the inside without someone on the outside intruding all the time.

I chose this vacation myself, and now, when it sometimes feel like I’m suffering, I keep reminding myself of this – and the fact that I might actually learn something from it all, if I just manage to stay awake long enough….

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